Oct 232012
 

Real Relationship Advice

bellcurve 300x207 The Math Of Relationships

There is a certain phobia that is over-populated due to media and the subconscious control that our loved ones have on us; math phobia.  Math is not scary. Math is not a curse. Math is not a punishment for some karma you can’t recall. Math is math and there are some very important properties of math that everyone should know. We should all know how to add, subtract, multiply and divide in your daily lives. What is also imperative to live a healthy life is a basic understanding of statistics. What does statistics have to do with relationships? Pretty much everything.

Regression to the mean or central tendency is the natural response to extremes. As time goes by, everything comes back to the average or center. In statistics we talk about mean, median and mode. A mean is an average, a median is the center point of values and mode is the number/value that comes up the most. An average is the closest thing to a consensus.

In a relationship, we come in to the coupling with all of our baggage. Perhaps Daddy was heavy handed with Mom and taught his son to be the ‘Man of the house’ through discipline. Maybe she was molested by a family friend and learned to distrust men. Maybe he lived with a Mommy who depended on him too much. Maybe she was taught that sex is dirty, men are evil and her femaleness was a malady. This is common baggage without getting into satanic ritualistic killings or living like a hobo. So, these two individuals bring this heavy emotional luggage into their home. This understanding of how the world works that was learned through the skewed lenses of trauma will have at least one of them make statements or have beliefs that are an anathema to a relationship.

For example: If she believes all men are pigs, how does she live with a man?  If he believes that all women are manipulative bitches, how does he live with a woman? Change the sexes around and you will still see where we are going with this. These are extreme positions that will tear a couple asunder. No need for anyone to speak out at the wedding.

If we are allowed to keep these extreme positions as our core belief system it is impossible to find the centrist view. If we allow statistics to do its trick and choose to love our partners rather than give credence to our ridiculous beliefs, we will ultimately temper our opinions.

Isn’t math great?

What beliefs have you abandoned since you entered your relationship?

Lee and Paul

2 comments
EvolvingMommy
EvolvingMommy

That staying home with my children instead of working in a career is somehow not contributing to the family. It was hard to shake that deep feeling that I wasn't adding to my family if my work didn't involve a paycheck. 

MamaDweeb
MamaDweeb

I will admit - I am SO NOT a math person LOL But you sure did make it fun here. I agree - finding the balance, the median is what it is all about.  Marriage takes so much work, even math :)