Oct 162012
 

Real Relationship Advice

feature couples therapy 520 300x199 Consideration And Love

 

It’s the little things that make a marriage a good marriage. We have said on multiple occasions that love is not enough to make a good relationship. Some couples find that love gets strained very easily when there is a crisis. The songs are wrong. The romantic comedies are wrong. Shakespeare was very wrong. Romeo and Juliet would have imploded within 2 years and she would have gone back to her parents and he would have gone back to marry Rosaline. Love cannot do what consideration can do…

  • Love cannot keep you warm.
  • Love cannot keep the banks from taking your home.
  • Love cannot overcome infidelity.
  • Love cannot overlook that he leaves the seat up.
  • Love cannot overlook that she interrupts your sports enthusiasm.
  • Love cannot restrain itself when it feels needy.
  • Love cannot stop text or calling when you feel lonely.
  • Love cannot stop behaving like a teenager when you feel unsafe.
  • Love cannot heal sickness.
  • Love cannot understand that you were not abandoned.
  • Love cannot raise the dead.
  • Love cannot choose to overlook the shortcomings and focus on the long-term.

Love is a wonderful feeling but it is just a piece of what we need to make a relationship work. Consideration is the deeper form of overt love that consistently demonstrates the feeling that your partner’s happiness brings you happiness.

Last week we discussed values and directed you to a site that discusses values. It is interesting to note that consideration is not on the list. They use words like courtesy and compromise which may cover it but in reality, it is not there. Compromise is not consideration since to consider the feelings of another does not require the subject to let go of their desires. Being courteous is always important but is being polite the same as taking your spouse’s feelings, dreams and desires as a priority? Consideration is being mindful of your loved ones. When we consider the feelings of our loved ones, we are always acting righteously for the relationship.

Now, there will be some people who believe that love is more than we have spelled out here. What we argue is that love has taken over many feelings and behaviors that expand its meaning but that does not mean that we are all working with the same definition. We are saying that love, as an emotion, as the foundation for romantic associations, is not enough to satisfy the needs that a couple will have.  Neither is consideration for that matter. Two people being nice to each other do not make a marriage. It is so much more.

Lee and Paul

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