Real Relationship Advice
Do you remember when you met your significant other? I remember when I met Paul. I was working as counselor at a community college and Paul was dating one of the peer counselors in the same department I worked. I was younger than my colleagues- I think the person closest to my age was about 20 years older than me. Since I was the same age as the peer counselors, I tended to hang out with them. I had a party on Good Friday in 1987. That is the day I met Paul. He was there with his girlfriend. I recognized him from High School. We became friends along with his best friend, Steve. The four of us would go out, have fun and even traveled together. I didn’t notice him since his girlfriend was a very large personality. Since his girlfriend was also an early bird, one night, during a trip to Big Bear, she passed out and left Paul and I to talk. All of a sudden I found myself thinking, ‘Hey, I like this guy!’ A few months later, his girlfriend left town and Paul and I spent the night talking, again. He left my home at 6am. He was smitten and I was falling hard.
What was it he said to make me like him? Did he agree with everything I said? No. How did he convince me, without any physicality, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him? One word- HOPE!
Life is a solitary proposition. You are usually born alone and die alone. You have people near you and, if you are lucky, you will find someone who will hang out with you until you kick the bucket. The reality is that we are alone with our thoughts all the time. This is how people can feel lonely in a crowd. Human beings convince themselves that they are in community. It is a choice we make. But, for some, if they are lucky or their karma is being cashed in, they will meet someone who will join them, connecting not just on a physical level but heart and mind as well. When you speak with someone who stimulates your mind and keeps up with your parries and ripostes without wavering, this is an exciting thing. For me, he was hope. He allowed me to dream. I supported his dreams. We challenged each other to be the best; our hope for the other becoming a vision goal.
When a couple loses that hope, no amount of love will save that relationship. As we have said many times, love is not enough. A couple without hope is indistinguishable from chummy roommates. Not having sex is a tough proposition but not completely fatal. When we stop dreaming together, that is the death blow to a relationship. You haven’t created a future together therefore you have no future. Now, we are not saying that you can’t regain that or your dreams have to be completely based in reality. What we are saying is that hope and dreams are the fuel of a relationship that helps it move forward. Without that, your marriage becomes static, stagnant and stale.
So go dream. Dream big. The only thing holding you back is your imagination and hope for your relationship.