Real Relationship Advice
Recently, I was asked if a ‘sexfull marriage’ (their term) was a good or bad thing. Of course, I could not pass up the chance of making the joke that I would research it. After some laughs, we sat down and actually discussed what a sexfull marriage would be like. And yes, we actually discuss and do a little research for each of our posts. We came to the conclusion that, aside from newlyweds, too much of a good thing is not healthy.
Sex is great. Sex is healing. Here at CoupleDumb, we cheer couples who make it a point to connect. Whether life is behaving or treating you like a birthday piñata, there is no reason to neglect that aspect of your adult life. And yes, sex is a vital part of an adult life. As we mentioned in previous posts, sex makes us feel good, sexy and even enhances our self-esteem. Even in cases of medical reasons for not having intercourse, whether it is medication or physical limitations, this does not mean you cannot satisfy your partner.
A sexfull marriage sounds great but you have to wonder what would happen if sex was not possible. What if you had to go on a business trip? What if the kids got sick? What if your partner hurts their back? Can you do something other than sex? Do you talk?
Most couples that I have worked with where sex is a very big part of their relationship seem to have few resources to rely on during a crisis. In other words, when life pulls out the bat and starts taking its swings at you, you would not know how to handle things. Part of the foundation of any relationship is creating a team, or as we have discussed before, a corporation. This foundation is imperative in developing the skills to deal with just about anything. Unfortunately, stress and crises are usually the best tests to show the cracks in the foundation. Do you turn on each other when there is stress? Do you fight more? Or, do you bond like soldiers in a fox hole and take out your enemy knowing that you partner has your back?
Sex is a like a drug. When you engage in it, nothing else matters. We even tell ourselves that sex is intimacy. We are making love not just getting off. But that isn’t the case. Sex is wonderful but it doesn’t take the place of talking, communicating and intimacy. It makes us feel good about ourselves but does not solve any problems. Sex can make a stressful situation worse and a crisis direr. Sex is like a drug and like an addict with a fix, it will only make you feel better for a little while until reality crashes in.
So, what do we think about a sexfull marriage? If you can prove that you have amazing communication, where both of you can express yourselves without reservations and listen actively, you handle stress like a champ, have deep intimacy, where you are affectionate, caring, grateful and loving, and sex is not an excuse to not engage of either of those activities, then sex until you can’t sex no more.