Real Relationship Advice
CoupleDumb has been writing about relationships and the stupid things we do to mess them up for 3 ½ years and there are people out there still making stupid mistakes. There are still people out there taking things personally and ending relationships because they are too proud or too angry or too hell-bent on being right or too scared or too hurt. It has been a while since we have just given our opinion without the aid or support of data. This week, we are unleashing the Kraken and hitting you with both barrels because we have some pent up frustrations and, well, you get to enjoy the rants.
One of the top three reasons for divorce is infidelity. Infidelity has taken on new forms since the first time a caveman grabbed a cavelady and made cavebabies. Before, infidelity required penetration of some kind. Just talking to someone was ‘no big deal’. Now we talk about having ‘work wives/husbands’ and people spend hours chatting with Chet or Layla from South Africa that you met on Twitter and you became Facebook friends and OH MY GOD you have so much in common and they understand you like no one else has and you share everything with them and it’s no big deal because it’s not like you’ll ever meet and you haven’t ever touched each other IRL….
This story is seen every day. They didn’t mean to do it. They thought it was harmless and it wasn’t like they fucked someone. It was innocent. They just fell in love….blah, blah, blah.
Trust us when we say, WE HEAR THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME!
The truth is that yes, they did know they were doing something that was less than right.
The truth is that yes, an emotional affair is just as real as jungle fucking in a motel.
The truth is that yes, work husbands/wives are pushing the boundaries of intimacy and are a hair-width away being grounds for divorce.
People are unfaithful because they are missing something. They could be missing love and affection within their marriage. They could be missing the excitement that a new relationship brings. They could be missing the intimacy that they use to have in their marriage/relationship. They could be missing sex. They could be missing that ability to commit and are selfish little bitches, believing that their needs outweigh the needs of their spouses and family.
Whatever the reason, aside from being ‘a total narcissist who does not understand why anyone would be upset if they were to be unfaithful because, hey, even a self-centered asshole has needs’, infidelity can be overcome and does not need to be the end of a marriage. It takes two to tango and it definitely takes two to create the need vacuum in a relationship. Maybe you didn’t tell them your needs. Maybe they were too afraid to tell you that they missed you. Maybe if you put a little effort into your marriage and stopped blaming each other for what’s missing, you would still be together!
Wait, please do not think that CoupleDumb is pro-marriage to the point where you are married in heaven and a commitment is in cement and all that crap. Some couples need to break up. Some couples should be divorced. Some couples died a long time ago and haven’t had the decency to bury the bodies. What we are saying is don’t give up on something just because you are too chicken shit or angry or stupid to make it work.
Now we feel better…..mostly.