Jun 192012
 

Real Relationship Advice

couple arguing 300x228 Are arguments normal?

Are arguments normal? Do all couples fight? Is it the mark of a sick couple if they don’t fight?

One of the gifts of maturity is looking back and seeing your evolution as a human being. The way we were when we were kids is so different from now. At least, we hope so. Experience has a way of softening you. Interaction with people from different cultures and ethnicities broaden our understanding of life. Being in relationships enlighten us as to the capacity of our heart and ability to forgive. So, when we argue as a couple, there is a certain absurdity to the ferocity with which we defend our position.

How do we avoid conflicts or keep arguments manageable?

1.  Always keep in mind that you are across from the love of your life. CoupleDumb believes strongly in maintain clear priorities. When we disagree, we need to maintain the priority that your love is more important than being right. People who live alone and have no significant others or family are always right.

2. Never position yourself. Yes, you can believe in something and hold opinions but positioning means that you cannot conceivable ever imagine that your mind will change. This rigidity is a sign of immaturity. Yes, there are certain beliefs that are held strongly such as love for your life, spouse and children however opinions on what is truth and what is good are just that, opinion. As we mentioned yesterday, God created 10 Commandments. These were not good ideas; they were commands as to how to behave in life. However, we have taken them and seen that there are times when killing is a necessary evil. If we were positioned concerning whether we would kill or not then it would be an absolute. The only absolute is that all absolutes are dangerous.

3. Keep an open mind. You would be surprised what happens when you keep an open mind; sometimes something leaks in. People who are open-minded tend to carry less stress and tend to experience more things. If you see your life journey as a process of change and development then keeping an open mind is easy. If you find that change is something to fear and an open mind is a sign of weakness then you will most likely end up being ignorant and very lonely.

4. No insults. Using insults during an argument is a sign of desperation. Debasing and attacking your opponent is a sign that you are no longer willing to discuss the topic at hand. Now it is personal. When we take an argument as a personal attack we are no longer operating as a responsible adult but a petty child.

5. Argue to understand, not to win. When we argue or fight to win then we have already lost. If you are arguing with a loved one, what do you gain from making them lose?  CoupleDumb is very clear that competition has no place in a relationship. Marriage is not a race and love has no second place.

So, no, fighting is not normal if we define normal as healthy and not the statistical definition. Loving has nothing to do with arguing. Sit down and have a normal conversation and work out your differences. It’s the loving thing to do.

Lee and Paul

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