Real Relationship Advice
We have been married for 23 years. We have three kids with ages ranging from college to kindergarten. We work almost constantly. We are pushing 50 and yet still make time to be intimate and have sex. We have done all of this without having a date. Are we bragging? Yes, we are! Date Night is a panacea that may make marriages even more vulnerable. Here are the CoupleDumb pros and cons on Date Night.
1. Any time alone together is good.
With the hustle and bustle of life, finding a few moments let alone a few hours alone is very difficult. Date night allows a couple to speak with one another without the monotonous Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy… interrupting you every time you open your mouth. It is an opportunity to create intimacy.
2. It is a definitive boundary.
Many couples tend to lose sight of their boundaries when children and the stresses of life become overwhelming. We forget about our role as men and women and only focus on our career and parenting roles. When we go on a date night, we are refocusing our attention on the men and women roles.
3. Everyone needs a respite.
Sometimes you need to detach. Most adults are sleep deprived but even more than that, most adults are overwhelmed with responsibility. Taking a respite is the only thing that will charge the batteries.
But Date Nights are not the Marriage Blahs Silver Bullet.
1. Lulls the couple into a false sense of security
Couples actually believe that going out with their spouse shows that they have a good marriage. Date Nights are not spent parked in Lover’s Lane making out while listening to Kings of Leon’s ‘Sex is on Fire’. Most Date Nights include dinner and a movie.
2. Date Nights are planned to maximize the time.
Dinner and a movie is a fun night but is it really a good way to create intimacy? A Date Night generally lasts between 2-4 hours. If dinner takes an hour then you need to rush over to the theater to watch a movie. Date Night is spent rushing around and, aside from not having kids around, how is it different than going out with your children?
3. Date Nights can be expensive.
Dinner and a movie will run you an easy $100.00. If you are paying for a sitter then add another $40+ to the expenses. We would suggest putting off Date Night for a couple of months and book a weekend cruise for you and your spouse instead.
Every day is an opportunity to communicate your love to someone. It can be as simple as holding hands while watching TV or an unexpected passionate kiss while getting dinner ready. It doesn’t need to cost you a cent and will have better results than dinner and a movie.
Are my husband and I the only ones who end up fighting most date nights? It seems like the combination of alcohol plus time to actually sit down and talk about stuff invariably leads to some heated discussion. Now we intentionally make a point to keep things lighthearted.
@amybhole I think Paul and I are always so amazed to be alone that we are stunned into silence. Do you guys fight regularly (not on Date Nights)? If it's the time alone I would recommend more time alone.