May 232012
 

Real Relationship Advice

50 shads of grey 640 300x269 On Why I won’t read ’50 Shades of Grey’

If you read CoupleDumb or if you simply look at previous posts, you know that I am no shrinking violet. I am the one who will ‘go there’, stay there and sometimes make camp in the provocative. If you have watched ‘Relationship Rehab’, you know that I do not shy from sex talk and I am quite vocal about being sexy and remembering that we are sexual beings. Also, if you have read about addiction on our site, you will recall that I have admitted to being a sex addict and my drug of choice was porn. I say all of this to preface why my main point here and it is that I WILL NOT BE READING ’50 shades of Grey’.

My understanding is that ’50 shades of grey’ is an erotic novel which is a nice way of saying that it’s a sex book hiding beneath the veneer of something you can read in a book club. I remember these books. They were the type you could pick up in dildo stores and they usually had covers of cartoon sex or a couple that looked a whole lot like Ken and Barbie who were in mid disrobement. These books always had the same premise; 1. Innocent girl doing good girl things like working hard or going to school  2. Man who is sexy and he can’t take his eyes off of her (does he seek to consume her innocence?) 3. Man has weird sexual proclivities and he can’t wait to deflower the girl. 4. Girl gets deflowered and likes it. Without having read the books, how close am I to the premises of these books?

Look, I have nothing against porn or erotic writing. I have nothing against a little fun. I do caution everyone on what these books and images do to unwitting readers/viewers. Whether we want to or not, the images elicited from these pornographic materials pervert and warp our mind. As I have mentioned countless times, when we indulge in certain sexual fantasies we raise the bar or threshold for sex. In other words, if you engage in sex with multiple partners, this will be your new threshold. Regular, missionary sex with one person will not cut it anymore. If you read or watch sex that is different than what you do normally, it can encourage you to expand your repertoire but it can also create a vacuum between what you know you can get from your partner and what you really want to fulfill a certain fantasy. In other words, porn breeds dissatisfaction due to unrealistic expectations.

There is nothing wrong with regular missionary sex. In fact, regular missionary sex is probably one of the best positions for both men and women because of the positioning of his pelvis to hers and the angle of thrust. Physics-wise everybody is happy! There is nothing wrong with toys in the bedroom. You know I don’t mean the odd Lego on the floor but something that vibrates. The problem is when you can’t achieve orgasm without them. The dependency is where the addiction is.

So, I will not be reading ’50 Shades of Grey’. Godspeed to all of you who have. Me, I will dress up my husband in a nice grey suit and we can have our own party.

Lee and Paul

6 comments
Jessica Cohen
Jessica Cohen

I haven't read it and don't have much interest.  I so love your honesty in this post.

KimberlyDayCogley
KimberlyDayCogley

Ok, so I read 2 of the 3 books. I most likely will not be reading the 3rd (it was bad enough that I bought 2 of them, but I def don't like them enough to pay for the 3rd). I like these kind of books (erotica), but I don't think they influence my sex life. I don't expect my husband to cuff me or smack me with something. In fact, if he did, I'd probably start laughing or smack him back. While I enjoy reading about this stuff, there ain't nothin wrong with vanilla. ;)

Love you, Lee!! :)

SusanBroehm
SusanBroehm

So, I read the trilogy. Just for kicks. A writer friend told me about the books months ago. 1. The books are lame but not as poorly written as porn "lit" mascarading as romance novels can be. The trilogy started off as a piece of fan fiction. I'm a little perturbed by the attention and notoriety the author is receiving given the fact that as a piece of writing it leaves a lot to be desired. 2. There's actually a story and the sex plays into it. I actually think you should read it and then talk about the messed-up characters in the book. Ana and Christian are two major pieces of work. 3. As sex scenes go, these are relatively tame. Not really nasty, not really gross, not really hardcore. Not inspiring or sexy, they are part of the larger story of why Grey needs to have non-vanilla sex. 4. Bottom line: romance novels are much more dangerous than these pieces of drivel. But I still think you should read them for the amazingly astute column you could write once you know the stories of the characters. I think instead of refusing to read, you should absolutely read and share your thoughts. Based on your education and experience, you'd have a lot to offer on the subject to readers who think these books are awesome and intriguing and hot... But to each her own...

LeeReyesFournier
LeeReyesFournier

 @SusanBroehm My friend, would you tell an alcoholic take a shot to review the new booze? I am serious about the addiction part. I don't go down that road anymore especially for mediocre erotica.

SusanBroehm
SusanBroehm

@LeeReyesFournier @SusanBroehm Of course not, my friend. I'm sorry for suggesting your addiction is not real and dangerous for you. At any rate, I just did most of your job for you above. It's not worth the read. Not in the least.

LeeReyesFournier
LeeReyesFournier

 @SusanBroehm  I know, my friend. No need to to apologize. I have nothing but love for you. Good old Vanilla love.