Real Relationship Advice
‘Don’t Assume…because it makes an ass out of u and me’ is never more true than when you are having sex. Many of us assume that we know what we are doing or become comfortable with a partner over the years. However, people change. People change so much that what once was a sure-fire way of getting someone to orgasm may become passé or even uncomfortable. Our likes change. Our biology changes. We make more mistakes than you can imagine and here are some of the good ones (as in really bad mistakes):
1. ‘I am really good in bed. I can make him/her cum every time’
That sounds great and we are sure it boosts your ego and self esteem that you have mad sex skills but if the statistics are correct, you are wrong.
2. We blow our wad in the beginning.
You may think this is about premature ejaculation but it isn’t. When we are in relationship we tend to get lazy in bed. In the beginning, we do all of our tricks and take the time to be playful and passionate. We wear the lingerie, we buy the fuzzy handcuffs and we invest time in our sex play. We make it memorable. We make it so memorable that when we have been together for years, we think back and become really sad. Why can’t it be that way again? Why can’t we be exciting?
3. Shiny and new is better.
We equate new with passion. We believe that if we are with someone new it will reinvigorate us. And, unfortunately, it is true, for a time. Ultimately, your laziness will sneak its way back into your bedroom.
4. Fake it until you make it.
Faking it is the stupidest thing someone can do in bed. (We are talking to women and men with this one.) If we fake excitement or an orgasm than that gives our partners the message to do it again like that. We are simple creatures in the bedroom and operant conditioning is hard to break. If you touch your partner in a certain way and they make a sound of enjoyment, you do it again. We are like little mice pushing the bar for a food pellet. Now if you fake that noise, be prepared for your partner to bite your elbow every chance you are in bed.
5. The grass is greener
Much like the shiny and new thing we also like to compare ourselves to other couples. Each couple creates their own groove and it works for them (if they really created the groove together and they are both happy with that groove). Sure, we would love to have sex for hours but we have kids and it isn’t realistic. Lamenting the lack of hedonism in your sex life is akin to longing for your college glory days. Those days are gone and you are not the same person. Get over it.
CoupleDumb says have sex and enjoy each other. Being tired and having kids should not dictate your sex life. Work around it and make it exciting. Be creative. Rekindle the fire and keep it stoked. We must always remember that before we were Mom and Dad we were Woman and Man and our needs are real and important. Feeling good about yourself and being satisfied sexually is a great self esteem booster. Now go lock the door and get some!