Real Relationship Advice
Sex is like jogging. Sure, you can break into a sprint but you will probably pull something. That may not make much sense but the need to prepare your mind and body for intercourse is not unlike any physical activity; there is a certain amount of stretching, the right attire (or lack of) and hydration is imperative. What we tend to forget about physical activity of any kind is that we must be prepared. In exercise, that is called warming up and in the sexual arena, we call it foreplay.
Foreplay is anything that stimulates sexual desire. The official definition would be ‘The sexual stimulation that precedes coitus’ (The American Heritage Medical Dictionary, 2007). However, Segen’s Medical Dictionary (2011) expands their definition as ‘A term referring to the constellation of physical and/or psychological interactions that occur between a couple during the early phase of the sexual cycle, which facilitate penile erection and/or vaginal lubrication’. The inclusion of ‘psychological interaction’ is very important because it finally acknowledges the power of the mind when it comes to fulfilling sex.
The history of sex is vast. The stone carvings of the Kama Sutra were created in India around 400 to 200 BCE. The Hindu faith has many different sects and some followers believe that there are ‘four main goals of life’; dharma; virtuous living, artha; material prosperity, kama; beauty and erotic pleasures and moksha; liberation. So the Kama Sutra was not just art depicting different positions it was a philosophy. The carvings show men satisfying women and vice versa and the philosophy states that it was the duty of each partner to please the other. It revered the sexual aspect of relationship as something that should be studied and improved upon. This text has influenced most of eastern philosophy. Unfortunately for us Westerners, we are stuck with Puritanical Christianity that relegates the act of sex as a wicked means to an end. Sex is for procreation. Sex without commitment is fornication and sex for pleasure was the gateway drug to other depraved activity.
Foreplay, therefore, only came to be known in the mainstream collective conscious within the last 50 years. Women began to assert their power outside of the bedroom and waiting around for their man to arrive at home in a set of pearls, dress and three inch pumps holding a martini was not going to happen anymore. If our husbands wanted sex we were happy to oblige but there needed to be a little quid pro quo. Studies show that it takes 10 minutes for both men and women to reach sexual arousal which makes foreplay a necessary step before coitus.
But let’s be honest here, everybody knows you have to warm up the car before you can drive it. Everybody knows that preheating the oven gets you a better quality cake. But what we tend to forget because we are so busy with life is that there is a psychological component to foreplay and CoupleDumb believes that the fastest way into someone’s pants is through their mind.
Come back tomorrow to read up on Psychological Foreplay.