Real Relationship Advice
Attitudes are a funny thing. We talk about them all the time. We refer to people having good or bad attitude. We reprimand our children for bad attitudes and chide friends for having a good attitude in the face of crises. Understanding the good, bad and ugly of attitude will go a long way in dealing with how you see life.
Within the last few years there has been this push to have an ‘attitude of gratitude’. It is generally understood that to be thankful is tantamount to having a good attitude. However, it really is much deeper than that. An attitude of gratitude means that you are not only thankful for the things in your life but you are accepting of the things in your life. Sometimes in life we get what we want but not what we needed. Sometimes we get what we need but not what we wanted. And sometimes, life gives us something that we neither wanted and we would argue that we never needed it either. However, what we need is often hidden within our own psyche behind things like expectations, social acceptance and desires created from traumatic experiences. To be living in gratitude is to be thankful even for the things you did not want or need.
Being grateful for everything is wonderful but difficult. We are not taught throughout our life to be automatons that take everything at face value and believe that people have no ulterior motives for their actions. By the time we hit adulthood, most of us have developed a nice thick layer of cynicism over our rosy cheeked optimistic exterior. So before we adopt a permanent attitude of gratitude, we need to attempt an attitude of trust. Trust is difficult for most because we lose it early on in life. We lose trust before we lose hope. Trust is eroded every time someone promises you something and then does not follow through. Trust is lost when we perceive something bad has happened to us and we feel victimized by life.
Perhaps the biggest culprit in the loss of trust is when we lose trust in ourselves. We promise that we will do something. We create goals only to sabotage our journey and allow life to distract us. All of this boils down to being irresponsible. The responsibility to the loss of trust lies in our own lack of ownership for our accomplishments and failures.
Before we convert to a life of gratitude, we must explore where, how and why we lost our trust. Believing in the good of life is not just a simple case of being cynical or not. If we trust ourselves, we believe in our own capacity to create. If we trust ourselves we understand that we deserve the best in life.
So ask yourself:
Who did not keep their promise with you?
Where and when did you lose trust?