Real Relationship Advice
Do you often need to choose between sleep and sex? Is the prospect of a night of passion met with mental gymnastics trying to figure out how much rest you will get before getting up early to get the kids ready for school, making lunches, juggling appointments/meetings, work, housework, soccer practice, viola lessons, dinner and that damn science project? When they said marriage was work, this is what they were talking about. It seems today’s tired parent is overworked, undersexed and very frustrated. Neglecting the kids to make time for you is hardly a solution to this overwrought conundrum. Dropping everything for a sexual interlude looks great in movies but in reality we see that as impulsive and selfish while secretly envying it.
There are a myriad of reasons why the tired parent have a less than satisfactory sex-life. Some are:
*Trouble turning off your mind: It is virtually impossible for either a man or woman to achieve orgasm if their mind is occupied with schedules, money issues or just life’s issues. What came naturally in the bloom of the relationship takes a little more concentration after kids, jobs and a mortgage take starring roles in our lives.
* Boundaries: Today’s Tired Parent has a little problem that becomes a major issue: BOUNDARIES! With the advent of co-sleeping, no-cry sleep training, the family bed, and the Tired Parents’ default belief that it is easier for the kids to sleep with them rather than staying up all night, the marriage bed is a little crowded. If we frequently end up with a child or two in our bed, the idea of using our boudoir as a sex palace becomes tainted.
* State of mind: If we based our sexual expectations on what we see in movies (including pornography), we are seriously lacking in passion, stamina, creativity and abandon. We need to remember that the sex act in film is highly edited and not real. Who has the time or attention span to engage in something you like for that long? Also, if you feel that the act of ‘love making’ is the only forum to share intimacy with your partner, you have added an extra layer of pressure to an activity that should have been fun.
* Technique: The male and female sexual response is different. While a woman must engage her brain to guide her to her goal, a man must stop thinking so as to extend his performance. If we agree that the ultimate goal of sex is orgasm, the techniques to achieve this are quite easy. A woman can experience a primary and secondary orgasm that is connected to the nerve tissue of the clitoris extending throughout her reproductive organs while a man has a primary orgasm from direct stimulation of the glans. Positions like the missionary position (man on top) are popular due to the man’s pubis putting pressure on the female’s mons veneris (mons pubis) which rubs the clitoris. (Tomorrow we will detail techniques for a quick response).
The troubles of the tired parent do not end in the bedroom. With everything going on all at once, sometimes it is hard to remember that before the stresses and babies, we were two people who loved each other and were turned on by almost anything. We must take the time to recapture that before the day you find yourself with lots of free time and grown-ups who vaguely resemble your babies.
What is the biggest obstacle that you think you have to having quick, enjoyable sex?