Real Relationship Advice
We are committed to happiness. In our Happiness Manifesto, we lay out the ways of being; thinking and believing that facilitate a lasting happiness in your life. We believe everyone can be happy if they make some very fundamental changes in their thinking and behavior. The Happiness Manifesto stresses not only personal responsibility but also an understanding that we live in relationships and maintaining these connections is important in maintaining our commitment to Happiness. Today we will provide the secrets to keeping a happy marriage. NOTE: The following aren’t things that you can do sometimes. Happiness is not like Valentine’s Day. You must practice these things all the time.
1. Be courteous: One of the first things to be chucked out of the relationship repertoire is courtesy. For some reason, as we become comfortable, we decide that the niceties of humanity do not matter. We stop saying ‘thank you’. We stop saying ‘you’re welcome’. We stop treating one another the way civil society dictates we deal with perfect strangers. Yes, we treat strangers better than our loved ones. For some reason, we mistake comfort for safety. A relationship is an oasis from the craziness of the world. Instead of cherishing this sanctuary, we take it for granted. This rudeness trickles down to our children as well. Familiarity and comfort breeds complacency and then we wonder why we have ‘lost that loving feeling.’ Say ‘thank you’ and mean it. You will see a dramatic change in your feelings.
2. Be kind: As a continuation to the last secret, we also become complacent when it comes to being kind with our partners. We tend to limit our overtures of love to special occasions or after we argue. We think a bouquet of flowers or a gift will assuage the hurt we caused. However, if we practiced kindness with our partner, we would never get to the point of hurting one another! If there is anything we could teach you is this: if there is something you would not say to a business associate because it may endanger your job then don’t say it to your partner! Would you call your employer a name? Would you demean, insult, dismiss your boss? Of course you wouldn’t! So why would we do that to the person you have committed your life and love to?
3. Be forgiving: We allow many people to do things to us and we choose to forgive and forget. Our friends violate our boundaries or take us for granted and we accept the apology and move on. In a relationship, it usually takes more than that. Couples may pretend to forgive but hardly forget. True forgiveness comes with a commitment to let the hurt go. True forgiveness does not allow for harboring a grudge. That is the same as paying someone to carry a boulder and carrying it yourself and complaining the whole time! Why forgive if we are going to use it as leverage for future arguments? We understand the media portrayal of relationship. We understand what your friends and even family will encourage you to do. A relationship, regardless of what you have seen and heard, is NOT a competition. Let things go and focus of your commitment to be HAPPY!
Being happy in a relationship is as simple as this: You are supposed to feel safe in your relationship. Nothing creates safety like courtesy, kindness and forgiveness.
Such great reminders. I also like the age old, "fight fair" because sometimes we let old annoyances slip into new conversations. I guess that's where your forgiving tip comes into play!
Isn't it funny how we can remember to say Please and Thank You to strangers and not the ones we love. This is a great reminder and a smart post. Thanks!