THE Relationship Blog
Life happens. Sometimes, when life is lifing at you, it’s seems so hard to feel safe. You feel small, invisible, buffeted around and generally a victim of the whims of fate. You wake up thinking, ‘what next?’ Or you wait for the other shoe to fall. In a marriage, you will have times like these; times that will try your patience, love and even your commitment. CoupleDumb is discussing weathering the storms of life this week. Today we will discuss dealing with crises that occur outside of your home.
We have this horrible habit; we allow ourselves to be mean to the ones we love. It’s true. Don’t deny it. We allow a bad day at work to spill over into our home life. We allow our hormones to trounce all over our families. We allow a general foul mood to ruin everyone else’s day at home. Why? Why are we able to reign in our nastiness with friends and co-workers but show our general frustration with life to our families? How can we hurt the one’s we love?
There is a certain unwritten rule in our sub-conscious mind, ‘If they love us, they will deal with it.’ We have a certain ability to take for granted what we cherish, abuse what we adore and generally neglect the feelings of the one’s we count on for love. This is not the domain of the abusers or perpetrators of violence. We all do this. Whether we forget to call our Mom’s or we miss an anniversary or snap at our kids because you just don’t want to listen to that stupid Fresh Beat Band one more time, we are mistreating our family.
In a marriage, it can be even more insidious and subtle. It can be as simple as saying no to sex because your day was a little stressful. It could be as simple as being pissy because she or he forgot to do something that they promised to do. It can be as simple as withholding affection because they didn’t return your text. A molehill can become a mountain and a single act of meanness can become a general pattern of disregard, ungratefulness and neglect.
This is the motto that should be written on the wall of your bedroom: LIFE IS TOO FUCKING SHORT TO BE PISSY! Couples get into ruts of giving each other the cold shoulder. When we are stressed, our mind and body react. We experience tension in our necks, upset in our stomachs and headaches. Emotionally, the stress takes its toll on our general life outlook. Stress can wear down any Pollyanna. We bring this into our homes. This becomes the vibe. If you are not in the habit of discussing feelings then the stress takes root into the affect of the family. This becomes normal. The language of the family becomes one of conflict instead of support; all of this because the couple is unable to handle stress as a team.
Stress has many cures and one surefire way of beating it is to share how you feel. Release of energy through communication is an easy form of stress reduction and if you share with your spouse you allow them the possibility of them supporting you. This creates intimacy. Intimacy leads to affection and understanding.
They say don’t go to bed angry but we would amend that to ‘why be that angry? Life is too short!’ Always remember that you love one another and you are committed to each other. There is nothing worse than sitting around and remembering all the times you missed out on love because you were pissy.