THE Relationship Blog
What opinion do you have when you see a person who is chipper? What is your judgment of a person who is claims to be happy? These answers to these questions are the foundation to the age old question: Why can’t I be happy?
The brain is a funny thing. It isn’t just a processor of information; it is also the gate-keeper to what you allow in your life. Very simply put, the brain takes all of your experiences, beliefs, decisions and opinions and forms rules. Your brain stops you from doing certain things because they conflict with these rules. When we talk about ‘having issues’ what we are really saying is that somewhere in the bundle of neurons we have a microscopic dendrite that is convinced that you are not worthy of love or that people will always abandon you or some other twisted idea of life. That dendrite, no matter how small, will dictate how you proceed in a relationship. To think, something so small could make life decisions for you!
The main goal of therapy is to find these dysfunctional decisions, beliefs and opinions and reprogram these neural bundles! However, the best therapist in the world cannot overcome a poor attitude of their client. For example, what do you think the prognosis is for a person who doesn’t believe they can recover from drug addiction? What is the prognosis of a marriage when someone believes that infidelity is inevitable? Sure, showing up to therapy is a good step but the majority of the work takes place in your own heart and mind!
I think of all the clients I had over the years and look at what was the deciding factor for their success. Yes, you guessed it, attitude! There was no magic potion or fancy therapeutic moves (which I do have and they are quite impressive). The deciding factor for a client’s change was their attitude and mine as well. Yes, the therapist must believe and have a positive attitude that their client can change. If not, the client is literally going through the motions. The therapist’s investment is compromised therefore their effort is in question. All of this results in a partial effort in a battle for your life.
A positive attitude is an investment in your future. Yeah, that sounds corny but it is actually true. An attitude is an opinion of a situation. If your attitude is positive, you will look for the positivity within the situation. Once again, your brain is responsible for this behavior. Our brains have this issue with always being right. When we believe something then we look for evidence to support it but discount or ignore opposing opinions. This is why we can have crazy, fanatical people who believe everything that people say on Fox News. This is why people position themselves because their brain tells them they are right! So, why not use this to our advantage?
Maintaining a hopeful, positive attitude is your first step in creating the life you want. Then we let our brains gather all the evidence in the world to prove that you were right to be optimistic! Make that cerebellum work for you!