Filtering Out Love

Smile! I hate you.

We’re talking about love this week and we promise there are no violins. Cupid was arrested for indecent exposure and we doubt that anyone will be asking us to write a romance novel any time soon. The cold hard fact about love is that we have been doing it wrong for years. The reality is, if you really want to see the masters of love, look at a baby.

Lee says: I love babies. I have this weird affect on them where they love to come to me and promptly spit up. People think that’s sick. I call it a gift. I don’t mind being a baby’s puke receptacle because when I am with a baby, they are my teachers. Babies are the perfect example of love. If we go by Paul’s definition yesterday of lust, romance and long-term attachment, they are the masters.

          O.K., you are freaking out because I used the word lust about a baby. Relax, I’m talking about the unbridled passion a baby shows for everything, especially their care givers. Have you ever had your baby just squeeze you and not want to let go? Lust is also about desire or craving. As a parent, you fulfill a need for that individual. Sure, we can reduce it to food giver but we give babies so much more. We are their contact with the world around them. We cuddle and coo to them. We make them relevant if we want to get all philosophical.

          Less freaked? Now let’s tackle romance. Again, we only focus on the perverse part of words. Harlequin has taken the word and forever changed it. Romance is an allure. Romance is not just about candles and champagne with rose petals. It is about looking into each other’s eyes and being fascinated with the being staring back. A baby does this all the time. A baby looks at you as if they are trying to memorize every feature on your face. You are their universe and regardless of your level of symmetry, bank account, color, sexuality, gender or status, they are reacting to your energy with them. It’s beautiful really.

          And lastly we have long term attachment. Babies have no concept of long term. This term is relative. Everyday is an eternity for them so yes, they are attached. But what changes them? Why do we become the unhealthy people that we are? You know what I’m going say, don’t you? Of course, the parents have something to do with this. A baby is born pure, open and vulnerable. They meet the world like this and then slowly start closing themselves off. I will call these filters so that you can picture the transformation.

          Imagine, if you will, a camera lens. You open the lens and have it focused and you see the complete, clear image. You slide a filter in front of this open aperture every time you demonstrate an unhealthy judgment or love. The first time you as a parent show that your love is conditional, a child learns. Filter. We behave disrespectfully to our spouse in front of our children. Filter. We make comments about someone’s color, gender, sexuality, age, weight, ability or looks. Filter. Pretty soon the only pictures their camera takes are out of focus and distorted. These filters separate the child from the world and send the message of fear to their subconscious. And fear, as we know, is the opposite of love. 

          I wish I could be more like a baby. I have my share of filters of the world and have been blessed with the breaking of a few as well. I’m not perfect but I am working at getting back to that pure state. One filter I can’t seem to shake is the ‘stupid people’ filter. I can say that because those people won’t read the blog anyway since we are godless heathens. I think I’ll keep this filter along with ‘crazy people with weapons’.

          Paul says: Mine is less like a filter and more like a lens cap.

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