Why is someone unfaithful? When people speak of infidelity, we usually look at the affects and aftermath of the deed. We assume that all infidelity is created equally. Men are pigs. Women are whores. Men have needs. Women are frigid. Men are overworked. Women need sex, too! All of these have been bandied about like one-size fits all explanations. However, all of these things are just societal labels that aren’t actual etiologies but just pigeon-holes. Now, to be clear, what we will be outlining here are not excuses for behaviors but starting points from which to start the healing.
We can’t lie- we love Facebook. We have made friends, reconnected with old friends and kept in touch with loved ones from all over. Facebook has allowed people to heal old wounds, create a lot of new ones and create a community of support that rivals Hands Across America. Where else can you get 100 prayers in less than a minute? At the same time, we have all experienced trolls and flamers who have tried to make our lives miserable. And yet, many other people have taken these virtual relationships to another level.
CoupleDumb has discussed the issues of infidelity many times. Recently, studies have shown that the advent of social media has coincided with a spike in cheating. Adultery, emotional infidelity and using the internet to hook-up have created a new avenue of unfaithful behaviors heretofore unseen. This week we will explore this phenomenon as well as what is behind these behaviors.
A rescuer is a person who runs in to save the day. A rescuer sees, what they deem to be, injustice and is compelled to step in a take care of the victim and vanquish the persecutor. Many times they are caught in the cross-fire and end up getting hurt. The persecutor turns their attention on them or, most likely, the victim tired of being thought of as useless, turns and persecutes the rescuer. The rescuer thinks they are healthy. They think they are handling themselves so well that they can take on other people’s lives as well. They look down on the victim with pity and with the belief that they cannot handle their own problems. The rescuer becomes a victim when the victim turns on them, saying things like ‘Why me? I do so much for them!’ The rescuer also attacks the persecutor.